I have Three Main Parts of My House:
Bathroom #1: Also-known-as the place where my kids “wait it out” until they are sure I have the groceries all unloaded.
Bathroom #2-The secret place my tiny 40 pound 6 year-old likes to leave a 20 pound FrankenTurd that never fails to clog the toilet. She’s sneaky about it too. We call her the Ninja Pooper.
The Dining Room Table: Also called Ground Zero. Most people EAT on their dining room tables. On any given day you can find on my dining room table:
- *Unfinished homework
- *Finished homework
- *Half-started art projects
- *Unpaid Bills
- *Birthday Party invites from 3 months ago.
- *Live creature in containers brought in from outside.
- *Winter mittens (it’s 70 degrees today and has been for weeks)
- *Sh*t belonging to the neighbor kids
I have perfected eating my meals in a 12″ by 12″ clean spot on the lower left corner of the right side.
The rest of the house hasn’t been seen in 45 days. Send help now.